Ice cream @ 1 AM -- Part 1

KS, Ravi and SRK came to my place "to study" for the first year grad exams. I was living in Delhi while my parents were in Jaipur. Their visits usually went as follows:

Primary Target: Study

Sequence of Events Planned:

a). Get some frozen chicken and salamis (This was when I was still NV).

b). Get 8 Lit of Pepsi (KS would try to go for beer but I wouldn't let him.)

c). Check all ingredients are available, onions and lemons etc.

d). Once home, put all the books carefully under the table and chat about shit.

e). Prepare the stuff, eat, drink and be merry.

f). Suddenly at 5 min to 11 realize that we need to get a movie from the library. Drive @ 80 to catch the shop, just when he's about to down the shutter. Then, eat his ears out by standing there for 30 min deciding on a movie that we realized that we've seen but thought the other guy might not have.

Now, we have at our disposal, raw chicken, awful movie, chilled Pepsi and "books". So, the next step was peeling the onions which somehow was always given to Ravi (he's the world's worst onion peeler by some fucking miles). After every onion he'd shout about how he's gonna go blind one fucking day. KS would go absolutely off his rocker.

KS: Fuck that. Ravi. You are fucking useless.

Ravi: Yeah, how come you're so good at it but never get to do it.

KS: Fuck it. After you're done crying a bucket after peeling one onion, I finish the rest.

Ravi: Like shit you do.

SRK: Why the hell do you need to peel the fucking onions every fucking time???

[Note: SRK was vegetarian.]

KS: You just eat some vegetables and keep quiet.

Me: Chill out KS. It's still some time away from needing onions.

KS: How many times have you made a fucking chicken???

Me: Never, I prefer to make the dead ones.

[KS would be thrown inside the room and kicked by the three of us after he's had a go at all three of us.]

KS(from inside the room): What's wrong with the fucking cooler?

Ravi: Shut up and take it up yours.

[Quiet]

KS: I'm gonna fucking die of suffocation, shit.

I'd wash the stuff and start preparing. We then would let KS out because he was the best at cooking and we didn't want to sweat it out for crap. For the record, I don't cook too bad just that KS cooked a hell lot better.

So after everything is cooked and ready. We'd ask SRK to bring the ice. But, since for the last half an hour KS has been sticking his ass in the freezer there's very little left and whatever little is there is in KS' inners. We weren't that desperate. KS would hear a few more abuses and come sober after some cooling experience. KS used to sweat like a a fucking polar bear in Sahara desert.

The movie starts:

SRK: What's wrong with the sound? I can't hear what he said.

...

SRK: What did she say?

...

SRK: Is he the ghost? What is he saying???

Ravi: He's asking to fucking shut up and listen to him moaning.

KS: (The ghost is about to come)...Why is that balcony door open? Close that door.

Ravi: Shut up and watch it.

KS: Close that door or we're not watching it.

Me: What the hell. Just now you said cooler is not effective.

KS: Fix the cooler and close the door.

SRK: Bloody hell! He's just scared.

KS: Who's fucking scared!!!

[Half-an hour gone, door is finally closed. KS in in a corner between the three of us.]

[Just before the climax, 15 min. of the finish]

SRK: Fuck, we had to finish two whole books and we're watching movies.

Ravi: Go and study then.

SRK: Ravi, you'd be the first with your hands up when the paper comes.

Ravi: Well, I'm at least earning it.

KS: You've watched the whole movie and 15 min. before suddenly your soul is crying!!!

Me: Just watch the movie. It's only 12:30. We can put in 4-5 hours and we're good.

[Movie is finished, so is the chicken and Pepsi.]

KS: I want an ice cream.

[Rest in Part 2]...

Certified Marriage Material

Yesterday was one of those days. When you're living as a bachelor with 4-5 other guys there are days when they go berserk and have a blast. And shit starts flying and we all laugh like fucking morons. We were sitting there in the drawing room and me and WL were teasing AK about chicks. Apparently AK has been certified as marriage material. It's official! WL told me when we were on our way to Chroma. How could I let that go? So, when we were back we asked AK about who said it and what did she say, in detail etc. AK went pink, then red then yellow. His face was a kaleidoscope of emotions. Me and WL were grinning so hard our smiles joined at the back of our head.

And then ST came and asked what was this all about. We just told him chicks have said something about AK but were urging AK to open up and spill the beans. He didn't and after a lot of teasing ST finally broke down and urged to finally tell him what's going on. We added some spice to it and dished out. Boy!!! AK was in deep trouble. You would be if girls are coming up to you and telling that you're marriage material. I've had a few come up to me and flirt but marriage material!!! Seriously. You've to be kidding me. 

We asked AK how did he reply and he said - "Nothing they were just teasing me. I didn't reply." It's obvious that he must have given his billion dollar dimpled smile and that chick must have thought, yup, chicken in the bag. Poor girl. We asked - "Did you smile?". And he gave us a sample. We held our heads and asked what do you think you were doing giving smiles when somebody tells you that you're MM? He grinned sheepishly. 

So we were having a normal day. Picking on AK and then the ball started rolling from WL to ST to me finally. But the poor guys get very little material for me. Some girl coming up to me and saying that??? Not a chance. I ain't no AK but there's something else. People don't just come up to me and say the first thing on their mind. They sense that this is a no-mess area. I remember in school there was a rumor that I was a devil's incarnate. For the record, I'm still proud of that title; earned it too.

But when it comes to AK, chicks just drool over him. And why not? He's that kind of a guy too. But that has its dangers too. So we were telling AK to be very careful and not get involved. "Home to office, office to home. No smart moves, no dimpled smiles. You got that?" He said he did. We knew, he didn't. Next day this girl would pass a smile to AK and he'll smile back. Not because he has intentions. But because it's an impulse in his case; his circuit is built that way. I remember him smiling while giving a presentation; with every sentence his smile got broader and broader and finally the instructor asked what's so funny.

But the real drama started when the Vegetarian egg problem started. I thought I'd write about that in this post but it's too long so I'll do it in the next one.

Watched Fast and the Furious...

Yup. One hell of a kickass movie. If you're not into SRK and CC to China stuff, you'd like it. The cars are awesome and Vin Diesel looked great. I was impressed with FATF-TD but this is a different pie. It ain't no mere racing flick. Has a nice story and direction for a change. And the soundtrack just blows you away. That reminds me - I need to get the OST for this one.

Counter Strike - After a lifetime

The best thing in CS is the Sniper. A great sniper is a ghost who is never visible. If you're lucky you see him when you're dead and at worst he'll stake you out regardless of whether you're a gangbanger or a wait-and-shoot killer. He moves in the shadows and leaves no traces. You're not supposed to get within 10 yards of a sniper, alive.

That's your perfect strategy sniper. The gung-ho sniper is altogether different. He doesn't give a fuck as to who's watching and who's coming. He ain't no shortgun smasher and though he might shoot only one bullet at a time, he kills like shit. Then there's always the NightHawk that protects him and one headshot with this baby and you're on your way to graceland.

If you haven't played CS then you wouldn't know what the fuck all this is about. But that's Ok. It's like reading the dialogues of a Rambo movie, and why am I making a Rambo here? I ain't. I just played CS after a fucking long time so I thought I'd write something about it.

What do you write about CS? It's bloody, gory but it's not mindless. It's attitude. Some people play like the bullet's gonna fucking break the screen and get into their head, others don't even see where they are firing, some hide and wait for the right moment and some are showstoppers. You'll get all kinds and that's the fun in it. Then there are duels. Snipers against Kreigs, AK against Mavericks, Shortguns against SMGs and Snipers. Ohh...it's just too much of a killer to resist. But, I haven't played it for ages now. 

Yesterday WL was playing the sniper round and my fingers started itching. So I had a go. 4-5 rounds. Enough to whet the appetite but then let go. This ain't the road to go.

Payback

Life pans a load of crap and sometimes you feel that you don't deserve that. But you gotta be strong and decide whether it was justified or not. Don't take the crap and walk away. Always remember, and wait. Never forget the shit, ever. When the time comes, dish it out, one by fucking one.

Somebody sent me a quote that said, if everybody had an eye for an eye the world would go blind. Hey, does it look like I give a fuck! This world ain't no fairy tale and you ain't no prince fucking charming, so stand up and take it on the chin. And when the time comes, take no prisoners. 

Delhi Visit...

Went back after almost six months. Things seems to have changed a little bit. But the mornings hold their charm. Geez, I just love early mornings in Delhi. I still remember how I used to travel 4 km in the morning with my Cricket backpack on my shoulder to the ground, 5 in the morning. Group of 8-9 boys, rubbing their hands out of cold, we used to play for 3-4 hours and then come back for breakfast. 

But those days are behind. Somebody in Delhi reminded me this, that every passing day, every passing second won't be coming back. But then I'm not the type of guy who looks back. I guess it'll all be accounted for once and for all.

I spent much of my 2 days at home. Ma cooked some really delicious stuff and I for a change gorged without a thought. Sunday morning I sat down with parents and watched some old videos of their trip to Badrinath-Kedarnath. I remembered some of the places from my own visit and that felt good. That was a wonderful trip. I don't know whether I'll go on another such trip. I'm not left with many reasons for it.

Hmm. I was thinking of a more exciting post but the visit was uneventful, although very soothing but little to write about. I guess I'm charged for the next six months and looking forward to a few things in life.

Dilli Diaries 1 - Traffic Banter

[Famous Chandni Chowk traffic]

I was itching to write about Dilli (for others it's Delhi, but for us it's good old Dilli), for a long time. There are so many things about this beautiful place that are close to my heart. Sometimes, when I sit down and think about the moments I have spent in this eternal city, it opens a Pandora's box of memories. I never wanted a long life, in fact, I always wanted to live for 35 years, no more. This isn't because I don't like to live. It's just that I don't want a long life, I want a big life. What is life, except those moments that you created and faced. And Dilli is the city of moments.

If I got a chance to choose my place of birth again, I won't swap it for anyplace else. Not many would but it's not because I was born here. But because, it's more than just a place of birth for me. A place that I keep coming back to whenever life breaks me down. It's a place that don't ask questions, that don't judge, that don't prove theories, that don't argue. Dilli is pure heart. When you reach this place, there's nothing more than open arms that wait for you. And it's not sentimental. Dilli is a heart-centric city. I carry the spirit of this city within me. A spirit that knows how to go with the flow, that opens its heart to strangers and let them be friends.

Dilli is often called Dilwalon Ki Dilli (Delhi of those who have a heart). It's not an undue sobriquet. But we Dilli-walah aren't your run-of-the-mill maudlin straight guys. We are equally sharp-tongued when we want to be. If you don't believe me, just try to be a hot-shot biker on the Dilli roads, you won't cross a Km before hearing a barrage of Ma-xxx and Behan-xxx stuff. Hey, just because we don't say it doesn't mean we don't know it. So, don't let the pleasant nature fool you. Think twice before getting on the wrong side. The good thing is, it's all forgotten quickly.

Traffic situations are really something that gives you an idea about this place. These days, the traffic isn't such a big issue because of the Metro and the non-stop flyovers but sometimes you do get stuck. And I remember being in the middle of a 2Km jam with the temperature right up at 45. Sometimes, somebody gets really pissed and start giving horns. And immediately you'd see the "take-off" gesture. It's one of my personal favorites. And you'd see an immediate smile on the horn-blower. If you're thirsty, just ask the car-walah standing next to you if he's got some water and he'd hand you over whatever little he's got. Chilled or boiling, but he'll share. And sometimes you'd meet some Sardar Ji, he'd say something like - "Yaar, is baar te ruj ke garmi payi hai (Yaar, this time the heat has really come down hard)". His back would be wet with sweat and he'd have some boxes on his old Chetak scooter, a middle class businessman, heading to Daryaganj or Karol Bagh. And I'd reply, "O ji, is baar April wich hi chali paunch gaya hai, agge pata nai ki hoyega (This time, the temp. has hit 40 in April itself. Don't know what'll happen next)". Sardar Ji - "Yaar, lassi wassi honi chaidi ai naal". And we'd babble about other stuff and when the traffic opens we'd be off to our own destinations. But that's how things go.

Check this for more on my birth city: http://thedelhiwalla.blogspot.com/

Pony Update...

As I discussed sometime back, which most people didn't take seriously - I'm quite serious about the pony. I've made huge strides towards acquiring one. I haven't seen the barber since last three weeks. Every time I go past a hair saloon, I control this urge to get the load of my head off. My hair are now 4 inches long which is a new personal milestone. The problem is that I need to shampoo everyday as my hair get really rough and wavy if I miss it even for a day.

The sideburns are getting messier by every passing day and one of these days when I'm going to have a bad hair day at office and that would serious send this whole thing packing. The problem is that the hair are neither long nor short. They're kind-of in-between. I can neither keep them tight nor let them fluff. Precarious situation! And the back hair are twisting and turning true Roman style. They get the least attention and are making the full use of it. But it's still manageable, the problem is that I'd be going home next Thursday and I doubt I'd be breaking any ice with these locks of mine.

The other interesting thing is, today ST bought one of those hair clips that guys wear these days. You know the black one with curls that make roads in the hair. Umm, like the one Abhishek Bachchan wore in the Idea add when he was the guide of a mute girl. So, he dangled it in front of me and I asked him to try it out. He moistened his hair and put it on - nice. So, I joked that maybe I can also try it, my Moses act is going to get harder so maybe it can help me manage that. He gave me one of the dismissive looks, like, YOU!!! I guess, I come across as an ultra-conservative, but that's because the conservative look suits me (I imagine it does :) ). It's not like I have a mental block that I can't wear freakish but I don't feel like differentiating on the basis of clothes. That's lame. If you're different then others notice, simple clothes or flashy. [Mental Note: Clothing preferences should be discussed in a separate post.]

So, the game is still on. I might be tempted to keep a high pony, more like GoldenBalls than Boondock. Let's see how that comes across.