Restless heart...

Some days, I just sit down with myself and don't feel like doing anything. Life seems like a bad dream from which I can't seem to wake up. And the worst part is that I don't know why I feel this way. People tell me that this delirium has gone for a few months now and is not a mere mood swing that would change of its own accord. Something has changed and so drastically that I don't recognize what's inside. How'd you feel if you wake up one day and see a different face in the mirror than the one you're used to, no matter how ugly it was?

If only I could find that lost thread of contentment! Maybe it's the uncertainity. Although I was never the one fretting about things, the fact that I don't know where I'm heading is taking its toll. There's a dreamlessness, a hopelessness...there's nothing to which I look forward to at this point in my life. It's one of the worst things in life, when you stop looking forward. Maybe, when certainity returns to life, things will begin to look up. 

Sometimes, out of nowhere this yearning comes up to leave all this nonsense behind and pack my bags and go somewhere; someplace far and quiet where I could just be. But where can a restless heart go?